Forbes Kicks Golf Sand in Trump's Face

Feisty Scot refuses land sale for $1.5 billion
golf course

Parody, June 2, 2010

Molly Forbes has more spunk than fortune, despite sharing her name with the silver-spooned Forbes clan. She and her fisherman son Michael kicked sand in Donald Trump's face after the billionaire tried to buy their 23-acre farm near Aberdeen Scotland for $700,000, almost 500,000 pounds.

"Just a spoonful of sand makes the golf course go down," Molly sang with wicked delight as she pointed out that Trump, in her Scottish opinion, swaggers with a tad more arrogance than the usual bloke.

"That Trumpie c'n shove this golf ball down his thrapple!" Molly said, holding out a dimpled orb that looked as if it had already traversed an esophagus lined with bile.

Trump clubbed back with his own round of teed off. "It's a slum," he said about the Forbes spread. "Those putters ought to shut their sand traps and hoist a mop once or twice a century."

Trump planned to press ahead with one of two golf courses approved, along with 1,200 homes and a ritzy hotel, even though the Forbes' land would look lucrative in green. The Forbes sold an acre of their land to a group of about 60 protesting Scots led by one Martin Glegg. They dub themselves Tripping Up Trump, and vow never to yield their plot to the mogul. "We got 'im trapped," Glegg gloated.

"In the 1400s, my great-great-greatest grandmother, Mary Macleod the first, invented the game of golf right there," Trump said, grabbing a wood and pointing at a sand dune on the beach. Then he swung hard and screamed, "FOREPLAY!" The plucky Forbes ducked but did not flinch.

—James "Dune" Dunn
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