Schwarzenegger: California Needs Spanx
Giant power undies bring back state's girlie figure
June 17, 2010
California's Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger has commissioned the manufacturer of Spanx slimming underwear for a gigantic squeeze to make the golden state more shapely. "Bulges are ugly," Schwarzenegger said. "California has lost her girlie figure."
California has a $26 billion budget deficit, and the monster Spanx will help rein in the bulge and restore the Beach Boys image, the governor promised. "I had some of these bloatings after I stopped all the steroids, so I wear Spanx for Men," said 62-year-old Schwarzen-egger. "Feels good to control pudge. Now I'm not such a blob. It sucks all that stuff in."
California will gain bust line north of San Francisco and sexy curves east of Los Angeles. Her midsection will tuck in just south of Lake Tahoe. The giant Spanx will cost $6.9 million and require scads of elastic fabric.
"These are power undies," Schwarzenegger said of the statewide girth-control measure. "My wife Maria doesn't think a cuter California is good for our marriage. When this big Spanx goes on, there will be no sex for 14 days. That's what happened when I supported George W. Bush. He could use Spanx for Men down there in Texas. He needs more than that to get his figures right. He needs a bikini wax."
—James Dunn
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