Postal Service Hikes Stamps to $6.99
Senior paperboys carry es-cargo mail
July 9, 2010
The Postal Service aims to shake off a recessionary slump by charging $6.99 to deliver a first-class letter using rehired seniors who worked as paperboys in their early years. The post office plans to go upscale, renaming its "snail mail" with the French equivalent, "es-cargo mail." Former president Jimmy Carter, 85, will try his hand at delivering mail on a bike.
"We're proud of our paperboys," said John Potter, CEO of the Postal Service. "These guys will toss your letter on the porch some of the time. If not, it'll be in the bushes. Just go look . . . see? These fellas are too old to go postal. They won't be as fast as the Pony Express, but better than snails on a chalkboard."
Potter warned that the post office expects to lose $7 billion in 2011 without the rate increase. To save money, delivery will be cut to once a month. "Oh what's the hurry?" Potter said of the occasional service. "These mailmen deserve a few beers between deliveries. "Whatever it is you're mailing, give it a time out for misbehaving."
One mailman in Philadelphia faced charges that he hoarded some 20,000 pieces of mail in his garage for a dozen years before his retirement. Some envelopes contained checks. "I was just taking a rest," said Scot Glacier. "I gave the priority mail new priorities. . . slower priorities."
Jimmy Carter is looking forward to his mail route. "I still have my 10-speed," he said, showing off his rig outfitted with snail bags stuffed with letters. "But I refuse to carry junk mail. Only love letters. That's it. I'm a romantic mail carrier. Here. I'm sending a love letter to my girl Rosalynn." He licked the envelope twice, sealed it with a kiss and stuffed it in his snail bag.
—James Dunn
Click for more humor
