I-scream Session Could Double-Dip

Economists sprinkle chocolate stars after gob losses

June 7, 2010

You scream. I scream. We all scream in I-scream sessions. But how many dips?

"When the other guy loses his gob, that's a single-dip I-scream session," said Alan Greedspan, former chairman of the Chocolate Reserve Board. "But when you lose YOUR gob, that's a double-dipper session."

This is the biggest I-scream session since the Great Session, economists note. This session has more than 31 flavors and way more gobs lost.

"We need more mint moolah flavor for this session," said Benny Blankie, who holds a Ph.D. in deeper sessions.

Unemployed people unleash their anguish in primal I-scream therapy shoppes. They choose the flavors of their screams, such as distraughtberry, black-n-blueberry or pain-a-whole-lotta. Some folks have rocky road, or worse, spattered with 50 stars and stripes. In some parts of the country, such as California, the session is so bad they hand out trays of warm washcloths, as if sushi were to follow.

Gobs have been created in this session, but most are taken by high schools girls, who, like, can serve, like, lots of scoops in between texting or sexting or perplexting their BFs as they LOL, like, super scoops of LMAO.

"It's gettin' sticky out there and this session is dippy and drippy," said Kenny G. Galbraith, an economist tuned into macroeconomic and macrobiotic patterns, rhythms as well as blues and all that jazz. "How 'bout if you triple-dip my cone for recovery," Galbraith said. "There. That's improvement already. Yum. Ooops! Dripped a drooblet on my zipper. Economies will do that."

—James Dunn
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