Mel Gibson Hunts Moose with Sarah Palin
Panting "Passion of Christ" director seeks tranquility
July 22, 2010
Actor Mel Gibson, haunted by audiotapes of his alleged panting attacks on girlfriend Oksana Grigoriana, has fled to Alaska to hunt moose with that state's former governor Sarah Palin. "She doesn't have implants," Gibson says of Palin. "She's real. She feels my passion, my christ almighty."
The duo brought down a hefty moose on their first outing thanks to Palin's sharpshooting. "After all that panting, Mel needs a romp in the wilds," Palin said. "I'll put some ice hockey on the back of his neck after we gut this moose. We share a deep feeling about family values. Well, let's see. We believe that the best of America is not in Hollywood. The America I love is overrun with moose."
Gibson wore a crown of thorns left over from the making of his movie The Passion of the Christ. "This is better than anger management," he said. "Jack Nicholson can get screwed. I'm tellin' you. Moose hunting is the better half of bipolar." Then he panted for a few minutes.
Gibson plunked himself down on the rump of the dead moose and embarked on some deep panting exercises. "This is my hot yoga," he said. "I need some f***ing tranquility! There's peace and quiet out here!" Then he panted for a few more minutes. "My wife used me for sex. My girlfriend used me . . . relentlessly . . . for sex. My next girlfriend . . . oh hell, don't tell me there's a pattern."
"He's just gettin' press for his shot at the presidency in 2012," Palin said of Gibson. "I'll be his running mate. Oh sure. We'll bag that moose, too."
—James Dunn
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