Chelsea: Buy Ponzi Wedding Cake

Sweet heap raises $550 million by the slice

July 31, 2010

Chelsea Clinton's groom, Marc Mezvinsky, used to work for investment bank Goldman Sachs. Two weeks ago Goldman Sachs suffered a mild setback when the bank skirted fraud charges and settled the SEC's case against it for a mere $550 million. But Chelsea's new father-in-law, Edward Mezvinsky, could recapture the dough with a sugary Ponzi scheme selling frozen slices of the couple's wedding cake over the Internet for $1,000 apiece to raise money for . . . its own sweet sake. Edward Mezvinsky was convicted in 2003 and sentenced to seven years in prison for $10 million in fraud, including a Nigerian get-rich-quick email scam.

Ed Mezvinsky served two terms as Iowa's congressman starting in 1973. He was released from those terms in 1976 when his reelection bid went kerplunk. He was released from his prison term in 2008.

Here's how Ponzi cake will work for Chelsea's July 31 wedding in upstate New York: Diabetic investors will buy her cake and eat it, too. The fancy confection yields 550 slices. At $1,000 a slice (c'mon, you can pony up that much for a sliver of Chelsea happiness), that would raise $550,000. If a thousand Americans each buy a previously sold slice, bingo!, Goldman Sachs is refrosted in whole.

"I can taste happiness," Chelsea said as she tried on her wedding dress. "My $3 million wedding is just the beginning. Marc makes me giddy. Sweetie, want a bite?" She giggled. Then she dipped her tongue into the top layer of frosting. Then she said, "I do."

—James Dunn
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